Make It Stop

I graded a late paper this evening. It included this mysterious claim:

"Grief motivate Batman is a different sense."

You really can't make this stuff up, people. Unless you're one of my students, in which case it comes as easy as falling off a log.

In the closing paragraph, I found this nugget:

"I believe movies really are magically."

Watoosa's reply was, "Magically delicious?"

That's why I love her.

Return of Out of the Mouths of Babes!

From tonight's batch:

"Ethics and morality should be at the top of people's lists on how they want to run their lives. Instead people are worrying more about not being robbed or raped or even murdered."

Gee, I always thought ethics and morality (my favorite redundant phrase) had a lot to do with robbery, rape, and murder. Since I hope to avoid being the victim of all three, that must make me amoral. And non-ethical!

In the very next sentence, this person wrote:

"The world we live in today would be spit on by Socrates' time."

I think if Socrates' time actually did spit on our world, our world would totally kick Socrates' time in the wiener. Take that, Socrates' time! If you want to step to us again, you'll get more of the same!

Out of the Mouths of Babes, Part Deux: Electric Boogaloo

From tonight's grading:

"Everyday we are given the choice to sit in our comfortable homes, or caves if you will. But this is not how things have to be."

Hey, I like my cave, dangit! I'm certainly paying enough for it. I'm not leaving, and you can't make me.

"In conclusion the fact that Socrates would rather die than to live without philosophy people will always either be examining themselves or others using philosophy although self examination is not the best because you can think very highly of yourself others will prove you wrong on your knowledge and the only thing you can do is try to better yourself."

After I made it try to comprehend that sentence, my brain and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Awesome Thing of the Week

This story is a bit old, but I just happened on it. Someone in Austin, Texas, hacked into some flashing road warning signs and reprogrammed the messages. The new messages include: "Caution--Zombies Ahead," and "Run for Cold Climates." As many of you know, Watoosa and I have been getting into the whole zombie genre, thanks largely to the fantastic World War Z. So I had to tip my hat to this Texas prankster. Yes, it's technically illegal, and yes, my last post came down hard on vandals. But dangit, this is hilarious.

I also liked this one:

We Wuz Robbed!

Or burgled, to be more precise. I'm told that robbery is directed toward a person, while burglary is directed toward a house. Either way, I'm steamed.

It happened last week. The guy came in during the hour that Watoosa and Ben went to the grocery store. He got our computer, our camera, and a webcam. Adding insult to injury, the camera had a memory card that I had bought two days before. A neighbor across the street apparently saw him go into a couple homes in the neighborhood but decided not to call the police. He will not be getting a Christmas card this year.

At first, our biggest concern was that we had lost all our pictures of Ben, but I think we can get most if not all of them back. Now the concern is that someone will get information useful for identity theft. But so far we haven't seen any signs of that. We also dodged a bullet with the cat, who got outside for the first time in her life. I didn't even realize she was gone, and thankfully she showed up of her own volition when the police came to the door. So things could have been a lot worse.

Mostly it just angers me that this guy can (and it looks like, will) get away with it. I've been telling people that I can almost excuse murder more easily than theft or vandalism. At least in many cases, the murderer recognizes the humanity of his victim (in a weird way) even as he abuses it. Even as he chooses to kill, he is tacitly affirming some importance of his victim as a being that has merited his attention. But the jerk who burgled us didn't give us a thought at all. He even walked past baby toys, saw a picture of our baby on the computer desktop, and grabbed our stuff anyway. And there's really not much we can do about it.

These are the things I think about. And the more I think about them, the angrier I get.

I also begin to have a new attraction to the philosophy of Thomas Hobbes, which I've been teaching this week. Hobbes argued that human beings are basically self-centered and quarrelsome, and only by being dominated by a strong central authority can they be made to live in peace. Lawbreakers have broken their word to keep the social contract, which means that we law-followers are no longer bound by justice with respect to them, and we can do anything we wish--no matter how violent, cruel, or disgusting--to protect our lives and interests. Basically, it's back to the law of the jungle: smack down your opponents by any means necessary.

OK, that's a little bleak. And at the end of the day, I'm not really a Hobbesian. I suppose I should be focused more on forgiveness, especially seeing that this is happening during Lent. But that's not coming easily these days. Rather, I'm seeing the world through Walker Texas Ranger's eyes, eyes that see only two kinds of people: (a) honest, hardworking, law-abiding folk; and (b) contemptible miscreants in need of an all-out, country-style asswhoopin.