For years now, Watoosa has maliciously told all our friends that I "made" her go see the execrably bad Pearl Harbor. It's true that seeing that flick was my idea, and that I probably should have known better. But I would like to enter the following points in my defense:
1. 2001 was an abysmal year for summer movies, and we got hoodwinked into sitting through other stinkers that year (Jurassic Park III and Planet of the Apes, for example).
2. I was really in the mood to see a movie.
3. The idea of just being in a movie theater was irresistable, as it was scorching hot that summer and our AC wasn't working (this was in the humiditopolis of St. Louis, after all).
4. Anyone who knows us will also know that Watoosa can bend my will to hers any time she wishes. In other words, I didn't exactly have to drag her into the theater.
5. It had Kate Beckinsale in it.
We tried to lower our expectations, but we just couldn't get them low enough. Apart from regretting our having paid good money to see the film, we were disturbed by the response of the guy sitting next to us, as he seemed utterly moved by the narrative (literally to tears, as I recall). If he'd been a WWII veteran, I could probably cut him some aesthetic slack, but he was hardly older than me.
Ever since, Watoosa has yet to let me live it down. But now we're even, because she talked me into going to see Wanted yesterday. True, this summer--like 2001--has been a stinker as far as movies go (We liked Iron Man well enough, and wisely opted against Indy 4, The Happening, and Prince Caspian). But Wanted is a complete waste of time, not to mention film.
Morgan Freeman phones in his performance, which is more than the script deserves, and I can't say much for James McAvoy. Angelina Jolie does what she does best, which is scowl and look undernourished (honestly, I've never understood all the hubbub about her). And when she throws a punch with her veiny, Tinkertoy arms, it's about as believable as watching the Ewoks kicking stormtrooper butt.
I might have enjoyed the movie slightly more had I not been disturbed to see that the woman down the row from us brought her preschool-age son! What's with these people? This movie had two separate sex scenes and enough F-bombs to supply the U.S. Navy! Since the theater was dark, she probably couldn't see my raised eyebrow communicating my consternation, shocked disbelief, and disdain for her parenting skills. Years from now, when her reprobate son is prosecuted for knocking over a 7-Eleven, she'll surely look back on yesterday and wish she'd decided to see Wall-E.
Just like me.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Limited Perspective from a Walking Anachronism
5 comments:
The thing I remember most about that summer is the two of you talking the two of us into seeing Platet of the Apes. Front row no less.
That almost ended our friendship.
Wasn't that your idea?
I must admit that part of why I was willing to see the new unimproved PotA is my continuing amusement at Heston's classic exclamation at the end of the original film. Just thinking about that scene still makes me laugh.
Kev, what I really remember about going to see that movie in the theater with you guys (aside from how awful the movie was) was that Allison brought a huge box of really yummy candy and shared it with me. It was something satisfyingly chewy and fruity and I can't remember the brand. Yum.
That review was so worth it after reading veiny and tinkertoy in the same sentence. I wholeheartedly agree. She is not human anyway. But my opinion of the Corner Pocket Callaways is altered by the fact that you paid for this outing.
Ick.
KK
you seriously picked Wanted over Wall-E? all i can say is wow.
Post a Comment