5: number of days on which one of us traveled by road or air (out of 6 days of Christmas vacation)
5: number of cancelled flights between Watoosa and me
8: number of airports visited between the two of us
1141: road miles (counted twice when we were traveling together)
0: number of bathrooms in the
1: number of times my friend Ryan violated Swiss neutrality by sticking his foot through the gate of their embassy as we passed by
3 to 1: approximate ratio of the size of the Swiss ambassador’s house to the actual embassy building
4: number of guests who had smelled smoke and fled to the downstairs lobby of my D. C. hotel as I waited there for my airport shuttle
0: number of hotel employees who seemed to have realized that the place was on fire.
2: number of fire trucks unloading their gear as I boarded the shuttle
10: approximate number of minutes after I left for the airport that the hotel was evacuated
2: number of hours guests waited to go back to their rooms
4: number of time-saving, selfservice check-in kiosks at Dulles
100: percentage of said kiosks placed right at the ticket counter, where they were covered up by people doing business with the ticket agents, making them pretty much useless
35: approximate number of minutes I pointlessly waited in line because of kiosk placement
0.5: number of minutes after opening that I arrived at the airport’s Dunkin’ Donuts
1: number of brutal tyrants whose execution was being covered on the TV as I ate my purchases from said donut shop
2.5: hours of sleep I got the night before leaving D. C. to come home.
4: degrees off the perpendicular that my emergency row seat would “recline” (when I pushed real hard)
Infinity: number of times I was unpleasantly jostled by fellow passengers as they headed toward the lavatory on my homeward flight from DC to LA.
Infinity + 1: the number of obscenities elicited from me by said jostling.
40: approximate number of minutes I wasted on the inflight movie (“Neverwas”) before realizing it was complete cinematic crap.
3 comments:
17: number of times Al and I laughed outloud while reading your numbers.
Only 17? My comedic powers are weakening.
This was so funny.
It felt like twice as many airports as that.
Number of times I rode between Huntsville and Birmingham: 3
Number of interstates we were trapped on when they were completely shut down: 1
Number of times you drove to LA and back within 48 hours: 2
Number of airline agents who I worked directly with on my flights just on the way home: 12
Number of above listed agents who were competent: 3
Number of airlines who refused to honor my ticket because they are idiotic harpies: 1
Number of times I went through security (for the full check) on December 30: 3
Number of times a borrowed a stranger's phone: 6
Number of times I hid from the big bad wolf with our niece: about 50
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